


Smoke Signals

by Gelid_illuminant



Series: Snufkin and Moomintroll [4]
Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Drinking, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, No Smut, Smoking, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29096355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelid_illuminant/pseuds/Gelid_illuminant
Summary: Snufkin tries to give up smokingCONTAINS LOTS OF TOBACCO USAGE. CONTAINS ALCOHOL USAGE.
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Series: Snufkin and Moomintroll [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123952
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Smoke Signals

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, my own version. If you are struggling with addiction, please contact a helpline in your country or go to the doctor. Snufkin and Moomintroll don't know what they are doing here.

Snufkin sat on the ground beside his campfire, his accordion in hand, a bottle of wine at his side, and the stars bright above him. He sang cheerfully as he played, making up the words as he went along and forgetting them afterwards. It had been a pleasant trip, and he was ready to return to Moominvalley to see his boyfriend. But tonight, he was alone under the open sky, a song in his heart and a lovely packet of finest tobacco waiting for him. He finished his song, and took his pipe and tobacco out of his pocket. He took a pinch, and stuffed it in gently. Then he took another, stuffed it in a little more firmly. Finally, he took a third pinch and packed it in tight. He lit a match and turned it in little circles around the packed pipe, puffing on it carefully. Then he took his pipe tool and used it to tamp down the smouldering tobacco. Then he lit it again, and took a nice long pull. It was gorgeously smooth.

The smoke curled in the air around him as he gazed up at the stars. It was a beautiful clear night. Snufkin took another long pull and closed his eyes in bliss. Here, in this moment, he was free.

**

The early Spring sunlight shone on Moomintroll as he walked along the riverbank. He had seen Snufkin setting up his tent earlier that morning, and so had done his chores in record time so he could go see him. Snufkin waved to him, smiling broadly. He was heating up some stew for lunch, and had his pipe hanging out of the corner of his mouth. Moomintroll sighed to himself. He hated it when Snufkin did this, especially when he wanted a cuddle. And after a whole Winter apart! The smell of the smoke really bothered him. So he sat across from him, on the other side of the fire. Snufkin looked at him, confused. “…Oh! Sorry, I forgot.” He took the pipe out of his mouth, tapped it out against the log he was sitting on and put it away. “Um, I still don’t…” Moomintroll said awkwardly. Snufkin nodded. “Maybe after lunch. Want some stew? It has beans.” He served up two bowls and handed one to Moomintroll, who tried not to wrinkle his nose when Snufkin came close to him. “Is it that bad…?”

“Er, it’s fine…”

After lunch, Moomintroll watched as Snufkin cleaned his teeth with a strange stick, chewing on it and rubbing it against his teeth. He rinsed his mouth out a few times. “Okay. Can I kiss you now?” He looked at Moomintroll eagerly. Moomintroll brought him into a hug, ignoring the smell of smoke that still remained. He’d missed Snufkin so much. “It’s good to be back…” Snufkin murmured, then kissed Moomintroll’s cheek. They nuzzled at each other, eyes full of affection. Snufkin took off his hat and put it on Moomintroll’s head. Moomintroll buried his fingers in Snufkin’s hair, and Snufkin brought his head to rest on his chest, making small noises of enjoyment. Moomintroll sighed happily and closed his eyes. “I love you, Snufkin. I’m so glad you’re home.” He whispered. Snufkin wrapped his arms around Moomintroll’s back and held on tight. “I love you too, Moomintroll.”

Snufkin put his hat back on, and they went up to Moominhouse together, holding hands. “Oh, hello, Snufkin.” Moominmmama said. “It’s good to have you back. Would you care to join us for dinner?” She asked. “I’d like that, Moominmamma, thank you.” Snufkin said, sitting on the couch. Moomintroll settled in, leaning slightly against him. Moominpappa sat in his armchair, reading, and Little My was sitting on the floor, trying to open a puzzle box. She bit it. Snufkin laughed. “Don’t damage your teeth, Little My.”

“My teeth are indestructible!” Little My announced, and went on with biting. Snufkin chatted with Moominpappa about something that Moomintroll didn’t understand. He just sat there and listened to Snufkin’s voice.

After dinner, Snufkin announced that he was going for some fresh air and went outside. Moomintroll helped clear the dishes before going to join him. He smelled smoke and saw a faint glow of embers in the darkness. “Oh, you’re smoking again…?” Moomintroll sighed. “Um, yeah. Sorry. I should probably…go.” Snufkin murmured uncomfortably. He went down the porch steps and out across the field towards the river. Moomintroll watched him go. He’d never noticed Snufkin using his pipe more than once a day before. And right when he knew Moomintroll was coming to see him? Was this developing into a problem? Moomintroll supposed he’d have to talk to Snufkin about it. He went up to bed, but couldn’t sleep for a while.

**

Moomintroll did his chores, had lunch, then went to see Snufkin. He was sitting on the riverbank, fishing, and smoking. Moomintroll frowned and clenched his fists, not sure how to continue. “Er, Snufkin…”

“Moomintroll!” Snufkin waved and smiled. “So…um, you’ve been smoking a lot recently.” Moomintroll said, looking at the ground. “Have I? That’s interesting.” Snufkin replied. Moomintroll managed not to groan in frustration. “I think it’s…a problem! I think it’s too much.” He said. Snufkin shrugged. “I don’t think so.” He said, looking out at the river. “You never used to do it while you were fishing. And you never used to do it when you wanted to spend time with me…” Moomintroll managed. He watched as Snufkin blew smoke rings. “I do what I want, when I want.” He stated simply.

“Snufkin, what about what other people want? What about what _I_ want? I thought that mattered to you...!” Moomintroll felt like he wanted to cry. “It does matter to me. _You_ matter to me. But I’m not about to stop doing things that make me happy when I don’t need to.” Said Snufkin. “I’m _worried_ about you, Snufkin! This is serious!” Moomintroll felt himself losing control of his voice. “I’m not worried.” Snufkin replied, puffing industriously. “Well…I’ve told you how I feel…you should have a think about it. Goodbye.” Moomintroll felt tears pricking his eyes as he turned and walked away. He couldn’t deal with this. Maybe he was overreacting but…it had bothered him for a long time. He really was worried about it. And it was clearly getting worse. If Snufkin couldn’t see that…well, Moomintroll didn’t know what to do about it. But he would stay…help him how he could.

**

It was a clement evening. The stars were coming out. Moomintroll wandered down to see Snufkin, to apologise. He had pushed too hard too soon, and probably scared him and made him defensive. Snufkin was sitting at his campfire, his back to Moominhouse. He turned slightly when he heard Moomintroll’s footsteps approaching. “Moomintroll!” He said cheerfully. “It’s good to see you.” He smiled warmly. Moomintroll sighed. “I came to apologise, I was very rude to you before.” He said. Snufkin still wouldn’t turn around properly. “There’s no need. I understand that people feel badly about some things while others don’t.” He was hiding something…

“Snufkin? What are you doing?” Moomintroll asked. Snufkin shrugged. “Making dinner!” He announced. Moomintroll took hold of his shoulder and made him turn around more. In Snufkin’s hands were his pipe and tobacco pouch.

“Now you’re trying to keep it secret? Snufkin!”

“It’s not…it’s just because you don’t like it.” Snufkin put them back in this pocket. “It’s fine, okay? I don’t have a problem. I’m in control of this.” He stood up and pulled Moomintroll into a hug, but Moomintroll pushed him away. “I’m…not in the mood…” He explained. “Snufkin, I’ll…I’ll be here, when you’re ready to talk about this seriously. But I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this…I’m sorry.” He slowly turned to walk away, waiting for Snufkin to call him back. But he didn’t. So he went home. He went to bed. He hugged his pillow and wished it was Snufkin. He went to sleep and had disturbing dreams.

**

The light of dawn filtered through the curtains. It was very early, why had he woken up so early? Then Moomintroll heard a tapping on the window, and went to open it. Snufkin was holding onto the rope ladder, a smile on his face. “Come with me.” He said, then climbed back down. Moomintroll sighed, and followed him down. Snufkin offered his hand, and Moomintroll took it and allowed Snufkin to lead him to the river. Snufkin took his pipe and tobacco pouch out of his pocket. “Snufkin…”

“It’s okay. Watch.” Snufkin knelt down, placed each item in the water, and watched them drift downstream. Moomintroll took in a sharp breath. He _had_ been listening. Snufkin stood up and took Moomintroll’s hands, smiling. Moomintroll kissed his cheek. “I’m so proud of you, Snufkin. You did the right thing.” They shared a nuzzling session, then Moomintroll yawned widely. “You go back to bed. I’m going fishing.” Snufkin wandered away, and Moomintroll climbed back into his room and went to sleep.

**

Directly after breakfast, Moomintroll went to visit Snufkin, who was sitting outside his tent, in the early stages of whittling something. He greeted Moomintroll, put down his knife and hunk of wood, and gave him a hug. Moomintroll nuzzled at him. “It’s been too long since we had a proper date. Let’s do something together, just us.” He suggested. Snufkin chuckled, and kissed Moomintroll’s cheek. “I’d like that. What shall we do? It’s up to you.” He closed his eyes and leaned happily against Moomintroll. “It’s such a beautiful day, let’s take a walk on the beach?” Moomintroll said with a sigh as Snufkin kissed along the length of his muzzle. It was so nice when he was in such an affectionate mood. “That sounds delightful. Let’s go.” Snufkin put his knife away and they walked towards the sea together, holding hands. Snufkin hummed joyfully as they walked.

“I’m glad you’re not angry at me anymore.” Snufkin said, as they proceeded across the sand. Moomintroll squeezed his hand. “I wasn’t angry, I was worried.” He said. Snufkin nodded. “I’m sorry I worried you. It’s just…something I’m so used to doing. It’s…strange to think about stopping.” He murmured. “But you _have_ stopped. That’s amazing!” Moomintroll told him, and stopped walking so they could hug. He closed his eyes and let Snufkin lean against his shoulder. “I want you more than I want smoking, Moomintroll…” He whispered, making Moomintroll’s heart beat faster. “I won’t let it come between us again.” Snufkin nuzzled gently at his neck, making small warm noises. They swayed gently together, then fell into the sand, laughing, Snufkin landing on top. He gazed down fondly at Moomintroll, cupping his cheek. “This is nice.” He purred. Moomintroll laughed at his tone of voice and brought him down for a kiss.

Eventually, they sat up and watched the sea, still holding each other. “I’m going away for a bit. Tomorrow. I just need to go the the next valley for some supplies, it’ll be a few days.” Snufkin said quietly. Moomintroll nodded. “I understand. I’ll be here.” He took Snufkin’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “We should get back, it’s nearly lunchtime. Do you want to eat with us?” He asked, standing up. “Sure, I’d like that.” Snufkin answered. They walked back to Moominhouse together, talking and laughing along the way. Moominmamma greeted them. “What would you boys like for lunch?” She asked. Snufkin said he didn’t mind, and Moomintroll said he wanted sandwiches. Moominmamma went away to make some, and Moomintroll and Snufkin sat at the table, still holding hands. Snufkin withdrew his hand when Little My appeared. “Hey, bro.” She said. They exchanged a fist bump.

“Little My, how was your Winter?” Snufkin asked cheerfully. “Long and boring.” Little My answered succinctly. Snufkin chuckled. “Did you have any grand adventures?” Little My asked him. “I went North, where the ice and snow is as a wild beast. I met the Lady of the Cold, and she sang her song to me. I was ready to lie down in the snow and fall asleep, never to wake up. But the memory of you, my dear sister, drove me on.” Snufkin said dramatically. Little My scoffed. “I met a great, dark spirit, in the shape of a bear…”

Little My and Moomintroll listened eagerly to Snufkin’s story until Moominmamma arrived with sandwiches and raspberry juice. After they ate, the three of them went into the garden to continue the story. Snufkin told them how he had outwitted an evil wizard, nearly frozen to death in a blizzard and been rescued by a family of wolves. Moomintroll watched him, entranced, enraptured.

**

Two days later, Snufkin had arrived in a town in the next valley. He had busked on the street until he had enough money to go to the general store and buy some thread so he could mend his undershirt. As he stood in line with his spool of thread, he spotted something on display at the counter. A beautiful ebony pipe, in the style that he liked. And it was on sale. He’d been itching…aching for it…and if he was careful, Moomintroll would never know. Snufkin counted his money, saw he had just enough for the thread, the pipe and some cheap tobacco. It was too perfect, so he bought everything and went out of the shop. He wandered into the forest and lit up. It was such a relief, that first pull. He felt like everything had fallen back into place. Perfect harmony. He even forgot about what Moomintroll would think. He filled himself up with warmth. Only later did he begin to hate himself.

**

Another two days passed before Snufkin arrived back in Moominvalley. He pitched his tent, then went to find Moomintroll. He went into Moominhouse and found Moominpappa in the living room, reading the morning newspaper and drinking coffee. “Ah, Snufkin. Are you looking for Moomintroll? He’s visiting Snorkmaiden. He said he’d be back after lunch.” Moominpappa told him. “Alright, I’ll come by later. Have a nice day, Moominpappa.” Snufkin replied. Moominpappa waved goodbye as Snufkin went back outside. He went to his campsite and settled down for some whittling. By lunchtime, he had made two rough figurines of turtledoves. He had some soup for lunch, then continued to work on the turtledoves. He heard footsteps approaching and hid them in his bag. “Moomintroll!” He stood up to greet him with a hug. “Come gather mushrooms with me?”

Snufkin and Moomintroll wandered through the forest, looking for mushrooms. When they found a good one, they would cut it off at the base with a knife, instead of pulling them up. This protected the rest of the organism, under the earth, from damage. “We’ve collected so many, you’d better help me eat them, Moomintroll.” Snufkin suggested with a sly smile. Moomintroll laughed. “I’d love to. They’d make a lovely kebab. I can get some tomatoes from our garden, and some barbecue seasoning, maybe.” He put one last mushroom into Snufkin’s bucket. “That sounds delicious, let’s do it.” Snufkin said as they headed back to the tent. He sat down and took out his flute for a little bit of music before dinnertime. Moomintroll leaned against him as he played, closing his eyes and relaxing. They stayed like that until the sun began to set.

Moomintroll hurried up to Moominhouse for the extra ingredients while Snufkin lit the fire. He thought about having a quick smoke, but decided against it. But the thought had entered his head now, and he knew he’d have to do it before much longer. Hopefully, Moomintroll would provide enough of a distraction. Moomintroll arrived with a basket of vine-ripened tomatoes, a bottle of Moominmamma’s barbecue seasoning and some maple syrup. Snufkin took a bowl and mixed the seasoning and the syrup together, while Moomintroll cut the tomatoes. Together, they stuck the mushrooms and tomatoes onto wooden skewers, coated them in the mixture and placed them over the fire. Snufkin turned the skewers round, and Moomintroll rested his head on Snufkin’s shoulder. Soon it was ready, and they ate eagerly.

Snufkin opened a bottle of wine and poured some into a mug, then offered it to Moomintroll. “Uh, no thanks. I don’t really like it.” He said. Snufkin shrugged and took a long drink from his mug. “It was a wonderful meal, wasn’t it?” Moomintroll said. Snufkin nodded. “The mushrooms in Moominvalley are the best I’ve had anywhere.” He said. Moomintroll laughed and leaned in against him. Snufkin set down his mug, took off his hat and settled down with his head in Moomintroll’s lap. Moomintroll played with his hair and hummed peacefully. Snufkin focused on the feel of Moomintroll’s gentle touches, trying to forget how much he needed his pipe. “I love you, Moomintroll.” He whispered. “I love you too, Snufkin. I’m sorry I was so harsh on you about…you know. I certainly won’t leave you just for that.”

“That’s good…”

An hour later, Moomintroll was still at Snufkin’s side. He listened to Snufkin play his harmonica, which Snufkin was only doing because he was getting anxious. Finally, he felt he could not go on any longer. “So, it’s getting late.” He hinted. Moomintroll just nodded; he was gazing adoringly at Snufkin. “Do you…want to go to bed?” Snufkin continued. “Not really. I want to stay with you.” Moomintroll said dreamily. With a sigh, Snufkin put away his harmonica. “Well, I need to sleep.” He said. “Can I stay?” Moomintroll asked sweetly. “Sorry, not tonight…” Snufkin answered, uncomfortably. “Oh…okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Moomintroll asked, nuzzling him. Snufkin kissed the end of his muzzle. “Of course. I’ll be fishing first thing, but I’ll come see you after breakfast, alright?”

“Alright.” Moomintroll gave Snufkin a final hug, then went off to Moominhouse. Snufkin watched him go, then dug around in his bag for his smoking kit.

**

The weather was getting warmer each day, so Moomintroll had arranged to go for a swim with all his friends. He wondered if Snufkin would be interested in joining in. His chores were done; he’d helped Moominmamma in the garden. It was time to go see Snufkin. When Moomintroll arrived at the campsite, he found Snufkin cleaning his teeth with that weird stick thing. “Hey, Snufkin!” Moomintroll called. Snufkin put away the stick, rinsed out his mouth and came over for a hug. They nuzzled gently and stepped back to look at each other. “Do you want to go swimming?” Moomintroll asked. “Sure. Maybe after lunch?” Snufkin replied. “Little My, Sniff and Snorkmaiden are coming, too.” Moomintroll put in, casually. “…Oh. I thought it would just be you and me.” Snufkin said, looking away and gripping the brim of his hat. “Well, you don’t have to come, we can go without you.” Moomintroll said.

“Without…me.” Snufkin murmured. “Uh, sure. I want to be alone today, anyway.” He sat down and took out his harmonica. Moomintroll didn’t understand. “Snufkin, you can come, and just not swim…” He offered. Snufkin shook his head. “I want to be on my own.” He supplied. “But you…okay, I’ll leave you to it.” Moomintroll wanted another hug, but he went away without one. He went to find the others and they started the walk to the beach. Sniff and Little My ran ahead, but Snorkmaiden hung behind with Moomintroll. “What’s the matter, Moomintroll?” She asked gently. “It’s Snufkin…he’s…acting strangely.” Moomintroll told her. “You mean more than usual?” Snorkmaiden said, seriously. “Uh, yeah. He said he would come swimming with me, but when I mentioned that you were all coming too, he changed his mind.” Said Moomintroll. “Well, you know Snufkin,” said Snorkmaiden. “He’d rather just be with you.”

“That’s not all, is it?” Snorkmaiden asked. Moomintroll shook his head. “He’s just given up smoking. It may well be what’s making him act this way.” He said. “Wow, that’s such good news! I hope you’re supporting him, Moomintroll.” Snorkmaiden exclaimed. “Supporting him? Sure I am, same as usual.” Moomintroll replied. Snorkmaiden looked surprised. “Um, do you know much about smoking, Moomintroll?” She asked. Moomintroll answered, “only that it’s bad for you. Why?” Snorkmaiden shook her head. “It’s highly addictive! Snufkin must be having a terrible time right now. He’s been at it for how many years? And he’s, you know, Snufkin. He struggles.”

“He does?” Moomintroll asked, shocked. Snorkmaiden rolled her eyes. “He’s _your_ boyfriend, Moomintroll.” She sighed heavily. Moomintroll stopped walking. “I need to go to him, don’t I?” He said. “Yeah, no kidding.” Snorkmaiden replied.

**

Each breath was like a healing balm to his soul. It made everything better. The bright burning embers drove the darkness away, the smoke hid the demons from view like the clouds hid the harsh sun. Snufkin closed his eyes and relished the feel of the smoke as he blew it out through his nose. When he was in this space, he was truly at peace. Meditation, traveling, playing music; that stuff was all great, but _this_ was his best friend. He missed his old pipe – he’d had it for such a long time. But he’d get used to this new one soon enough. It would be his best friend. Almost a lover. “Snufkin!” Oh. “Snufkin, I’m sorry!” Damn. “I didn’t know!” He could hear Moomintroll’s footsteps as he tapped out the pipe against a tree. Moomintroll came barreling through the undergrowth and almost slammed into Snufkin. “Snufkin, I-” He saw the pipe in Snufkin’s hand, and his face fell. “Snufkin…I thought…”

“I can’t stop.” Snufkin murmured, his eyes wide, fixed on Moomintroll. “I tried, and I can’t. I can’t do it…” He threw the pipe on the ground and clenched his fists. “I _want_ to stop, why can’t I stop!?” Tears came to his eyes and he covered his face with his hands. After a moment, he felt strong arms wrap around his body. Moomintroll held him close, rubbed his back. “I’m sorry, Snufkin. I didn’t realise…I’m so sorry…” At his words, Snufkin began to sob. His knees buckled and Moomintroll held him up. “Why can’t I stop!?” Snufkin gasped desperately. Moomintroll just held him while he cried. They ended up sitting on the forest floor, Snufkin held tight in Moomintroll’s arms. Snufkin picked up the abandoned pipe and looked at his hazy reflection in its shiny surface. “I want to throw it away, smash it against a rock. I hate it so much. It makes me sick to my stomach. But I love it.”

He lay back on the leaf mould with a sigh, exhausted. Moomintroll curled up at his side. “I tell myself…everyone, not to own more than you can handle. Not to have attachments. But I’m the very worst. I can’t give it up. I _can’t_. Even though it drives you away from me.” Snufkin said to the canopy. “Well…” Moomintroll murmured. “I still love you, Snufkin. This…doesn’t change that. Not one bit.” He took Snufkin’s hand and kissed it. “You’re still my boyfriend. And I’ll be here to help you through this. No matter how hard it gets.” They lay there in silence for a long time, until Snufkin sat up. “What do we do now?” He asked. Moomintroll sat up too. “I think we should talk to Pappa. He might have an idea of what to do.” He said. Snufkin nodded. “You’re right. Let’s go see him, right now.” They stood up and walked to Moominhouse together.

“Pappa, we need to talk to you.” Moomintroll said to his father, whose face was hidden behind a massive book. “I thought this day would come…” Moominpappa sighed. He put down the book. “Sit down, boys.” Moomintroll and Snufkin sat on the couch. Moominpappa tented his fingers. “So, there fact is that I don’t know that much about your particular situation.” He began. “Oh…” Snufkin sighed, looking at the floor. “But I can tell you that you need to take precautions, just as with anyone else. You can go to any shop and buy-”

“No, Moominpappa, that’s not…!” Snufkin slapped his own forehead in exasperation. Moomintroll looked from Snufkin, to Moominpappa and back again. “What…?” He was so confused. “Um, don’t worry about it, Moomintroll.” Snufkin assured him. “Then what _have_ you come to talk about?” Moominpappa asked, his face red.

Snufkin held up his pipe. “This, Moominpappa. My…habit.” He managed to say. “I see…” Moominpappa said. “All I know, Snufkin, is that you should consult a professional.” He added. Snufkin’s face fell. “A doctor?” He asked. “A doctor. I know you’re not too fond of doctors, but they get the job done.” Moominpappa said gently. Snufkin nodded sullenly. Moomintroll patted his hand. “I’ll stay with you, while you talk to the doctor, if you want.” He offered. Snufkin gave a weak smile. “That would be nice…” He sighed heavily. “We’d better send for one, right away. This has to stop. It has to. I don’t want it anymore.” So Moomintroll went to fetch the doctor from her house, leaving Snufkin and Moominpappa alone in the living room. “If you _do_ need any advice about-”

“I’m fine, thanks, Moominpappa.” Snufkin cut him off.

**

“This really isn’t my area. I have a pamphlet, though, I brought it along.” The doctor said. She handed over a small pamphlet entitled _Addiction and You_. Snufkin stared at it. Addiction…

“It’s quite good, I think. But it won’t be enough. There’s a specialist in the city, I can give you a referral. That’s about all I can offer you, sir.” Said the doctor. Snufkin nodded. “Thank you, doctor. I’ll stick with this for now, but I’ll contact you if I need to see the specialist.” He let the doctor check his pulse, his breathing and his blood pressure, then she left. Moomintroll came outside with him, and they sat under a tree to read the pamphlet. “It says that you should gradually diminish your intake.” Snufkin said. “It says that just stopping suddenly is harrowing. I could have told you that…” He sighed. “I think it’s worth a try.” He put the pamphlet down. “It also says that peer support is essential.” Moomintroll put in. “That’s me.”

“But who will support _you_?” Snufkin asked. “My family, of course.” Moomintroll said. “Ah, yes. Family…” Snufkin mumbled.

**

It had been three days since Snufkin had last used his pipe. Sometimes, he felt ecstatic. Sometimes he felt like the world was falling out from under him. Sometimes he would play his harmonica and dance for joy. Sometimes he would cry in Moomintroll’s arms. And sometimes he would drink. Like right now, he had chosen drink. It was evening, after dinner, and he was at his campfire with Moomintroll. They were nuzzling and kissing and it felt incredible. It was such a high, being here with Moomintroll, alone, only the stars to watch them. His boyfriend…

Snufkin kissed along the length of Moomintroll’s muzzle, humming softly. He climbed into his lap and pressed himself close. Moomintroll nuzzled at him, but said sadly, “you’re drunk, Snufkin. You don’t really want this.”

“I _do_ want it.” Snufkin whispered, his lips against Moomintroll’s neck. “I want _you_.” He moaned hoarsely. Moomintroll pushed him away gently. “Maybe. But not now, okay?”

When he woke up feeling that he had a sandpaper tongue and an imp pounding a hammer against his skull, Snufkin knew that he was replacing smoking with alcohol. He stared up at the canvas of the tent above him. The sound of the tent zipper opening grated on his nerves, but he managed to sit up, and saw Moomintroll crawling in. He held a mug full of a strange-smelling liquid. “Mamma’s hangover cure. She says it helps, but…” Snufkin took it and drank it down in one go, then flopped back down onto his bedroll with a huge sigh. Moomintroll smiled sadly down at him. “We’ll get through this, Snufkin. I know we will. You’re so strong.” He said hopefully. Snufkin stared into nothingness. “I’m not. I’m always running…”

“Running...?”

“Yeah. Always running…”

**

Autumn had come suddenly. The time had seemed so short. And so very, very long. Snufkin was so ready to leave Moominvalley. He was so ready to escape. Moomintroll was watching him sadly as he packed up his tent. “I don’t think you should leave, this year, Snufkin. I think maybe hibernating would help you to stop for good…” He said hopefully. Snufkin folded up the tent and stuffed it into its bag. “Not going to happen. I need to leave. It’ll be good for me. Clear my head.” He said. “Besides, I’m in control of it now.”

“No you’re not.” Moomintroll said, accurately. He stared at his hands anxiously. Snufkin put the tent into his backpack. “You’re right. But…I’m planning to stop over in the city, see that specialist.” He said. Moomintroll nodded. “I think that’s a good idea. But you, in a city?” He chuckled weakly. Snufkin smiled, and sat beside him. “I’ll camp outside the city and walk in to see the specialist each day.”

Snufkin held up a sealed envelope. “I even have a letter of introduction, from the doctor here in Moominvalley.” He tucked it safely into his bag, then cuddled up to Moomintroll. “This is going to take some time to kick, but I will do it. I know I can do it.” He murmured between kisses. Moomintroll held him tightly. “I’ll miss you so much, Snufkin…”

“You’ll be asleep. Don’t worry so much.” Snufkin assured him. Moomintroll sighed. “You’ll be back on the first day of Spring, right?” He asked nervously. “I honestly don’t know. It may be a bit longer. I’ll try and send you a letter, if it’s going to be longer.” Snufkin told him. Moomintroll nodded. “I understand. You have to get better…that takes time.”

“It does.”

“I’ll be here, whenever you’re ready to come home.”

**

Snufkin decided to wait until Moomintroll had gone into hibernation before he left. He sat with him, on the edge of his bed, until he fell asleep. He placed a neat little figurine of a turtledove on the nightstand, along with a note explaining that he carried the second one. Then he left, closing the door as quietly as he could. He went outside, and out into the world. He would spend the whole Winter in the city…that would be awful. But he needed help. He was getting help. His aim was to be better by the time he got back to Moominvalley – he knew that was unrealistic. But he would do his best. He _would_ stop. One day.


End file.
